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July 14, 2023: Calling out my BS.

When you live with someone, it is sometimes difficult to hide from your bullshit.

I have been living with my girlfriend for more than a month. It is the first time in my life (I’m 44 years old.) that I’ve lived with a significant other. Faith is an amazing woman. She is my best friend, and I am blessed she tolerates my many flaws. The experience of living with her has taught me a lot about myself.

I have realized that living alone allowed me to hide from my personality traits that I don’t like. It is easy to hit cruise control and not examine one’s life. But sharing an apartment with my girlfriend does not always allow me to live in the blissful avoidance of my foibles.

This morning, my love noted that I don’t always follow through with what I say I’ll do. I immediately responded, “But I changed my mind when circumstances changed. I did not just flake out. …” My protest rightfully gained no traction. So, I thought more about what she said.

And she is correct. I sometimes am lousy at following through on what I say I’ll do. I grit my teeth as I type the last sentence because I despise that trait. But I must sit with the unpleasant feeling, own it, and then let it go as I change.

Faith, thank you for pulling back the curtain on an aspect of my personality I refused to confront. I am better for your love, albeit sometimes tough.