That’s right. Fuck you, COVID-19. Since March 16, I have sheltered in place — a small apartment in Center City. I have read the articles as well as the blog posts about mindfulness and being thankful for what I have because my situation could be worse. That was all well and good for thirty days, for forty-five days. The sixtieth day of this nightmare is here, and a whistling sound emanates from the (head)light at the end of this current tunnel of life.

Fuck you, COVID, for convincing me that every maskless pedestrian, runner, or cyclist is a bioweapon who will infect me if they are closer than 1.5m. When I cough or feel a stray ache, I worry that I am infected. Fuck you for robbing me of the joy of sports — the NCAA Tournament, MLB, The Masters, and the NBA as well as the NHL Playoffs.

Fuck you, COVID, for subjecting this nation to more of President Donald Trump. I learned to tolerate dude’s rants about “The Wall,” the “caravan” in Mexico, the “perfect phone call” with Ukraine, “the fake news media,” and “the Russian hoax.” But this pandemic has brought us to a new level of 45’s foolishness.

Fuck you for giving us the president’s daily briefings consisting of misinformation about the virus and nonsensical ad-libs about miraculous cures, including ripping shots of bleach and climbing into high-powered tanning beds for some UV light therapy. Fuck you for occurring during the presidency of the host of a reality show. The pandemic has made it painfully apparent that The Apprentice or dealings in real estate do not prepare one for The Oval Office. (Cue the Survivor theme.) Sorry, Probst, the Orange Menace ruined any hopes you might have had for political office.

Fuck you, COVID, for imposing abstinence. I don’t remember taking a vow of celibacy. While I might not have been the most eligible bachelor in the City of Brotherly Love, due to the virus, I have not gone on a date since fucking February. I have no idea about when I’ll be willing to risk life and limb to again French kiss a fair lady, let alone move close enough to hold her hand.

Fuck you, COVID, for further complicating the lives of single parents who have been forced to take on the additional full-time roles of teachers and entertainers for their children since the pandemic has shuttered schools, daycares, and camps.

Fuck you, COVID, for ruining millions of lives as you kill and cause sickness; for inducing a Great Depression-like unemployment rate while you blow up “the [alleged]greatest economy in the world.”

FUCK YOU, COVID. Every day is identical. Every yesterday was alike. Every tomorrow for as far as I can see will be the same.