I’m the reason why I cannot have nice things.

My parents and sister gave me a pair of Ugg slippers as a birthday gift. They are fantastically comfortable and admittedly expensive. They cannot get wet.

As I stood at the kitchen sink and washed some dishes yesterday, I lost control of the spigot attachment, and water shot everywhere, with some landing on my fancy slippers. My heart sank, and I immediately berated myself. When I finished lobbing f-bombs my way, I took a deep breath and realized the situation’s absurdity.

There is no need to denigrate myself over a mistake that matters not in the grand scheme. I don’t care if the slippers have a bit of water damage; I don’t wear them outside the house. This episode embodies the epitome of First World, White Person Problems.